An Unexpected Turn of Events

The quick introduction to what's going on is in this first post. In the next couple of weeks, each of us will be taking turns sharing our perspective of how this came to be, and what it means for us. So be watching for that. I'll tell my story first. To be clear - this is Marc Schelske talking.

For me the path to this spot looks like this. I've been studying and thinking about Biblical community for a little more than ten years. For the past five years, since I became the lead pastor at Bridge City Community Church, I've been thinking about it, reading about it, dredging the Bible for anything related to it, as I seek direction for the future of the church I am so lucky to be a part of. In the past three months particularly, I've been digging into these ideas deeply. Along the way my heart and mind have been changed.

I am not a touchy-feely person, who thinks that we should abolish currency and all live on an organic farm singing kum-by-ya. I believe in self-determination, personal responsibility, and hard work. By personality, I'm someone who needs a lot of personal space. Relationships are hard work for me. It's easy for my energy and attention to go to projects and events and to-do lists. The idea of committing to a co-housing community would never have crossed my mind until recently. But my heart has been shaped in the past years and months, and this is where I find myself.

I am compelled that the calling of Jesus is a calling into a new kind of community. It's a culture unto itself, different by far than the prevailing culture of the world. And yet, I don't believe in a fortress mentality, or a naive utopia. I believe that the culture of the new community of Jesus is a culture that is about radical inclusion and committed intimacy. Radical inclusion says, "If you want to be on the journey with me, you are welcome. We will seek Jesus together." Committed intimacy says, "I will be here for you; I will help bear your burdens." A community that truly lived out these two things would be such an exception to our common experiences - both in and out of the church. In my church community this conviction has led us to shift our focus away from creating a complete roster of needs- and interest- based programs, and toward a model of inviting people to commit to to life together through the mechanism of small cell groups. Bridge City is five years into this transition. We're learning a lot, and it is having a powerful impact in people's lives.

As I've experienced and watched the cell process unfold in the past five years, I've been convinced that life in community is better than life outside. Even more amazing, I've grown in my trust of God's natural process for shaping people. I've found myself less needing to guide or even manipulate positive outcomes for people, and more able to simply trust what the Holy Spirit can do when people give God access, and stay in community regardless of how complicated or uncomfortable it can be. My own participation in a cell group has been deeply meaningful to me, and I remain fully committed to cell as a platform for helping us learn how to live in Biblical community together. It is, in my 15 years in pastoral ministry, the best model I've found yet for doing what I believe the Bible calls us to do.

While our current experiment isn't directly connected to cell, and it certainly isn't meant to replace or supplant it, it has been my experience in cells that has opened my heart to the possibility of living in community in a more full-time kind of way. For me the transition in my mind centered around two issues.

First, in the last five years my family has been much more intentional about being around people - both with our cell group and with other friendships. What I've found is that I am a better person when other people are around. It's easier to lean into my good intentions with other people not just in my life, but in my space. For example, I'm a better parent when other people are around. It's not that I'm trying to impress them. But somehow it changes the emotional tone of the space, and makes me more reflective about my response to my kids. I am more gentle, more careful, and more attentive - and my discipline is much more measured.

It seems to me that in our own homes, in the privacy of our family, we tend to feel like we've earned the right to "let our hair down." That means we come home from work and expect that we don't have to serve, or submit, or be unselfish. The result of this sense of entitlement in our own homes is that we very often treat the people that we love worse than we treat the strangers we interact with in the course of our day.

I've come to a place where this is not acceptable to me as a follower of Jesus. But at the same time, I still struggle with the feeling that I've served and served, and when I get home I want to just relax. For me, having others in the space I live, others who know who I want to be and what I struggle with, is a way to help me lean into who I want to be. It's a practical application of the "iron sharpening iron" principle.

Second, I've spent a good amount of time thinking about the importance of margins in my life. Margins are those extra spaces in your life. Extra financial resources, extra emotional energy, extra time. It's been my experience and my observation that a lot of times good people find themselves in a position where they just can't obey God's guidance because they have chosen to live their lives in a way where they have no margin. Most commonly, they live over-extended in their financial lives, and when God brings someone across their path who needs some help, they are unable to respond because they are already too far in debt. But this happens in every area of life. Families that over-schedule their children, and in the end are unable to be involved in community at a deep level because of all their activities. People who can't set good boundaries and use up all their emotional energy, and when someone comes into their lives who needs serious support, they have nothing to give. It seems to me that a part of obeying God is structuring my life in such a way that I have margin that enables me to respond to divine opportunities when they come up.

For me, choosing to try an intentional community household is about creating more margins. By consolidating the "overhead" of a household, all of the participants will have a higher standard of living but use less resources. That creates a margin financially. We expect that this will extend into other areas. Sharing the household responsibilities will make it less work for everyone. In a purposeful shared household the responsibilities of being a follower of Jesus can be shared by everyone. It's not just me reaching out to a friend in need. It's my whole household. If we find ourselves in a position to take someone in for a period of time, it's not just my family carrying the emotional load. It's the whole community. If we come across someone who needs financial help, it's something that can be spread across a number of budgets, rather than just one.

I don't know how this is going to turn out. That's why we are very clear that this is an experiment. I don't know if my expectations are right or fair. I don't know how smoothly things will go. I know that it's going to be hard at times. There's a good chance that I will offend the other people involved, or hurt their feelings - and I will have to work through the process of reconciliation. There's risk and uncertainty. But I know that along the way we will learn a lot about the nature of Biblical community, and how to navigate the complexities of healthy relationships.