Day 34-ish. Getting on the same page.

More than a month has passed since move in day over here at the Ruscliffe. It's been a crazy time. Gathering belongings from multiple locations. Lots of boxes still around, especially in the garage. Furniture staged in the living room since final resting places aren't yet determined or aren't ready. The downstairs looks like a bomb blast as we've begun the early stages of remodeling. The counter is always full of random stuff, since official storage places for lots of things haven't yet been sorted out. Everyone's has a bedroom, and the kitchen and main living areas are clear enough that life can proceed. But it's all definitely got a bit of a temporary and cluttered feel to it.

The early stages of this experiment are largely about getting things in place. We're up to our eyes in it. But the complexity really takes off when you consider that all of us have to stay on top of our regular everyday lives. Work. Cell groups. Leadership responsibilities. Family connections. Child care, soon to include preschool. Bills have to be paid - not lost in the random piles on the counter. Regular home maintenance has to be done. After all, the yard doesn't stop growing just because you have remodeling going on. So we're navigating the early stages of how to manage it all - and stay in a good relational space.

One of the first hurdles we're tackling is how to be on the same page with each other. There are lots of comings and goings. Different work schedules. Different extra-curricular activities. Different friends and family coming over to hang out. Add to this all the different expectations all of us have about freedom, flexibility, house cleaning, and community. It is so easy to just let the flow of life take over and find that without meaning to do it, we're passing each other disconnected and with conflicting agendas.

In order to tackle this head on, the Schelske's and Ouchida-Walshes ended the summer with a camping trip. One of the main agendas of this time was to sit down and talk through another round of "how life ought to go" here at the Ruscliffe. We'd talked a lot about ideal situations in the past, and big ideas about why we wanted to do this. But now we needed to sort out some of the practical realities. This conversation led to a number of things we've implemented as our first attempts.

Household Meals. In the studies of the various kinds of intentional community housing situations that are successful one common link has been found: regular, committed, shared meals. The average is three each week. These meals keep us connected, and provide a safe place for working out the details of life together. We decided to start with two, since we eat together informally all the time. First, we've committed to a Sunday morning breakfast. This meal will be just for the household, and is as close as you can get to required in a voluntary situation. We prep the meal together, eat, and then take some time for a weekly house meeting. The second is an open meal on Tuesday nights. We've committed to eat together with the expectation that anyone can invite friends to join. It will be interesting to see how we evolve a sustainable menu selection that is affordable as we invite lots more people to share the table with us over the weeks and months.

Shared Cleaning Responsibilities. Since we all live in the house, we all have some responsibility for keeping it clean. To get things started we committed to two different processes for regular cleaning, so that the work doesn't fall to the people with the lowest tolerance of clutter. After dinner every night, anyone who is home will help clean up from dinner and help with 30 minutes of a gentle reset and refresh of the main living spaces. Friday, late afternoon, everyone is committing to a 2-hour block of house cleaning and maintenance. So far we're going with an honor system for people who can't make it. They will contribute at another time.

Sharing Information. One of the complexities we've uncovered is that there's a lot going on in all of our lives and it can be tough to be on the same page. All the shared responsibilities suffer, and information (Did you get the electric bill? Is it paid? When did that happen?) gets lost in the mix. So, to keep our heads screwed on straight we created an information corner. It includes a 4-month calender to track events that impact the household, job lists, emergency contact info, reminders, and a big white-board for communicating with each other, along with a little desk area that has a place for keys, charging our electronics, and sorting our mail. I'm sure this information center will evolve as we get more practiced at this. We'll find we don't need some of these things, and find other things that we need.

We have a long way to go in sorting out all the details, but at least we know that we're going to be on the same page as we go. We expect that our weekly check in and the new information center will be crucial in staying on the same page.

In the big picture a couple shared meals, shared cleaning and an information center don't seem like that important. And we don't really know yet either. But we don't want our ideals and goals to suffer at the hands of day-in-day-out living. We didn't embark on this adventure in order to have more room mates. We made this decision because we wanted to try a different way of living, and see if we could create more margin in our lives for the things that matter most to us. So, these are some practical tools - crutches really - to help us as we put our time and effort where our ideals are.

Day 7-ish (depending on when you start counting)

this is brittany writing.... hello!

Week 1 has been all about ripping out carpet, finding creative new uses for the Cocomotion® that was heartlessly left behind in the cupboard, and trying to remember which house or box held whatever it was we were looking for. We’ve been here 7 days - exciting, full and very good days.

It was the 104 degree weather that brought the launch date for the Ruscliffe Oikia up a week. Seeing no reason to sleep at our old homes in the hot stuffy weather while the new house boasted AC, we all came over last Tuesday with our camping gear and “moved in.” That began our week-long, one car-load at a time moving strategy. FYI, we do not recommend this strategy. But we do recommend moving with friends, because overall things are less stressful when we’re in it together. Huge thanks to all of our wonderful friends who put in so much hard work on Sunday to finish off the move. We are so grateful.

Back on Day 1 – Minute 5, Emerson had an experimental moment where she thought it would be cool to express her little heart in a mural on the living room wall. Her assignment after some wall scrubbing was to go to Christina, Marc, Daniel and myself and say “I’m sorry for drawing on your house.” Standing akimbo after her sincere apology to me, she said in a very serious and philosophical tone, “Wait, whose house is this anyway?” A darn good question.

I explained that it was all of our home. It was her mommy and daddy’s home and it was mine and Daniel’s home too. She considered this for a moment and then with a quirky smile said, “Okay!” and gave me a hug.

For Emerson, living in community means that these aren’t her walls to draw on, but there are twice as many grown-ups to petition for snacks. We’re all having these kinds of realizations. I’m sure that over the weeks and months to come, we will each have moments where we draw on the wall, forgetting that it’s not just ours. This life, it’s not just mine – a lesson that worth learning that calls for a good bit of un-learning along the way. So until then, we trust that the simple spiritual practices of listening and considering each other, sharing, cleaning and unpacking are shaping us. And, we are thankful that there are twice as many hands to paint and cook and clean, twice as many opportunities to be smiled at, touched and taken care of.

7 days in, so far, so good.

Photos

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Moving Day - Thanks everyone!

Marc working on evacuating the house of all the creepy, crawly, and buzzing little creatures that had taken up residence.

Painting - half way to to a room "pink with polka-dots"

Photos

Some vision level conversations back at the Paradise House.

Buying the house - signing and signing and signing and signing

First entrance with the new key!

An Unexpected Turn of Events

The quick introduction to what's going on is in this first post. In the next couple of weeks, each of us will be taking turns sharing our perspective of how this came to be, and what it means for us. So be watching for that. I'll tell my story first. To be clear - this is Marc Schelske talking.

For me the path to this spot looks like this. I've been studying and thinking about Biblical community for a little more than ten years. For the past five years, since I became the lead pastor at Bridge City Community Church, I've been thinking about it, reading about it, dredging the Bible for anything related to it, as I seek direction for the future of the church I am so lucky to be a part of. In the past three months particularly, I've been digging into these ideas deeply. Along the way my heart and mind have been changed.

I am not a touchy-feely person, who thinks that we should abolish currency and all live on an organic farm singing kum-by-ya. I believe in self-determination, personal responsibility, and hard work. By personality, I'm someone who needs a lot of personal space. Relationships are hard work for me. It's easy for my energy and attention to go to projects and events and to-do lists. The idea of committing to a co-housing community would never have crossed my mind until recently. But my heart has been shaped in the past years and months, and this is where I find myself.

I am compelled that the calling of Jesus is a calling into a new kind of community. It's a culture unto itself, different by far than the prevailing culture of the world. And yet, I don't believe in a fortress mentality, or a naive utopia. I believe that the culture of the new community of Jesus is a culture that is about radical inclusion and committed intimacy. Radical inclusion says, "If you want to be on the journey with me, you are welcome. We will seek Jesus together." Committed intimacy says, "I will be here for you; I will help bear your burdens." A community that truly lived out these two things would be such an exception to our common experiences - both in and out of the church. In my church community this conviction has led us to shift our focus away from creating a complete roster of needs- and interest- based programs, and toward a model of inviting people to commit to to life together through the mechanism of small cell groups. Bridge City is five years into this transition. We're learning a lot, and it is having a powerful impact in people's lives.

As I've experienced and watched the cell process unfold in the past five years, I've been convinced that life in community is better than life outside. Even more amazing, I've grown in my trust of God's natural process for shaping people. I've found myself less needing to guide or even manipulate positive outcomes for people, and more able to simply trust what the Holy Spirit can do when people give God access, and stay in community regardless of how complicated or uncomfortable it can be. My own participation in a cell group has been deeply meaningful to me, and I remain fully committed to cell as a platform for helping us learn how to live in Biblical community together. It is, in my 15 years in pastoral ministry, the best model I've found yet for doing what I believe the Bible calls us to do.

While our current experiment isn't directly connected to cell, and it certainly isn't meant to replace or supplant it, it has been my experience in cells that has opened my heart to the possibility of living in community in a more full-time kind of way. For me the transition in my mind centered around two issues.

First, in the last five years my family has been much more intentional about being around people - both with our cell group and with other friendships. What I've found is that I am a better person when other people are around. It's easier to lean into my good intentions with other people not just in my life, but in my space. For example, I'm a better parent when other people are around. It's not that I'm trying to impress them. But somehow it changes the emotional tone of the space, and makes me more reflective about my response to my kids. I am more gentle, more careful, and more attentive - and my discipline is much more measured.

It seems to me that in our own homes, in the privacy of our family, we tend to feel like we've earned the right to "let our hair down." That means we come home from work and expect that we don't have to serve, or submit, or be unselfish. The result of this sense of entitlement in our own homes is that we very often treat the people that we love worse than we treat the strangers we interact with in the course of our day.

I've come to a place where this is not acceptable to me as a follower of Jesus. But at the same time, I still struggle with the feeling that I've served and served, and when I get home I want to just relax. For me, having others in the space I live, others who know who I want to be and what I struggle with, is a way to help me lean into who I want to be. It's a practical application of the "iron sharpening iron" principle.

Second, I've spent a good amount of time thinking about the importance of margins in my life. Margins are those extra spaces in your life. Extra financial resources, extra emotional energy, extra time. It's been my experience and my observation that a lot of times good people find themselves in a position where they just can't obey God's guidance because they have chosen to live their lives in a way where they have no margin. Most commonly, they live over-extended in their financial lives, and when God brings someone across their path who needs some help, they are unable to respond because they are already too far in debt. But this happens in every area of life. Families that over-schedule their children, and in the end are unable to be involved in community at a deep level because of all their activities. People who can't set good boundaries and use up all their emotional energy, and when someone comes into their lives who needs serious support, they have nothing to give. It seems to me that a part of obeying God is structuring my life in such a way that I have margin that enables me to respond to divine opportunities when they come up.

For me, choosing to try an intentional community household is about creating more margins. By consolidating the "overhead" of a household, all of the participants will have a higher standard of living but use less resources. That creates a margin financially. We expect that this will extend into other areas. Sharing the household responsibilities will make it less work for everyone. In a purposeful shared household the responsibilities of being a follower of Jesus can be shared by everyone. It's not just me reaching out to a friend in need. It's my whole household. If we find ourselves in a position to take someone in for a period of time, it's not just my family carrying the emotional load. It's the whole community. If we come across someone who needs financial help, it's something that can be spread across a number of budgets, rather than just one.

I don't know how this is going to turn out. That's why we are very clear that this is an experiment. I don't know if my expectations are right or fair. I don't know how smoothly things will go. I know that it's going to be hard at times. There's a good chance that I will offend the other people involved, or hurt their feelings - and I will have to work through the process of reconciliation. There's risk and uncertainty. But I know that along the way we will learn a lot about the nature of Biblical community, and how to navigate the complexities of healthy relationships.

So, you've heard about our little adventure?

Sometimes things don't happen in the order or with the pacing that we think best. There are times when things happen out of order and it's a bad sign. Other times, it happens because God is doing something unexpected. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. One of these is happening to us. We think it's a God thing.

The short version is this: The Schelske family and the Ouchida-Walsh family are buying a house. Actually, that's not quite true. It's factually correct, but the truth is that we're buying an experiment. We've gotten really excited in the past year about an idea. What would it look like to take practical, concrete steps to organize your life in such a way that you could actually follow the instructions of Jesus? What would it look like for normal people to set aside some of the cultural expectations they've been trying to live up to, and instead try and build a life where Biblical community is a normal every-day kind of thing?

Here's the long version. Over the course of the past years we've been learning about and studying Biblical community. It's happened through the conversations we've had in our church community, through a number of very compelling books, (too many to list here for now) and lots of discussions with friends, classmates, professors, and colleagues. The path to this moment for the Schelskes and for the Ouchida-Walshes looks different - and each of those people will be able to tell their own story in subsequent posts. In our own families we were contemplating what it might look like to take some practical steps to organize our lives a bit differently in order to be able to be more available to some of the things we believe God is calling us to do. A few months ago those conversations came out on the table and we learned that both of our families were thinking about the same kinds of things.

From there the conversation really took off. What might this look like? How could it benefit us? How could it help us serve others better? What would the obstacles and costs be? We began envisioning a shared household. Perhaps there would be a couple of host families, one or two other small family units, and the space for short-term guests. We imagined being in a neighborhood where we could get to know the people who lived around us, and find practical ways to serve and care for them. We thought about what it would take to responsibly create a more open household, where friends and people in our circle of influence would feel comfortable stopping by, where they would find a place of sanctuary in a busy chaotic world.

As a part of making these ideas more concrete we began looking at houses. At this point it was all about research. What kind of house would work for an endeavor like this? How big would it need to be? What kind of neighborhood would we be most likely to find it in? And of course - would it be something we would be able to afford at all? We saw quite a number of properties online and learned a lot about the kinds of things we needed to look for, and in the end we went and looked at a number of them. The main thing we discovered is that the size of house we needed for this experiment was very likely way out of our reach financially.

That's when we came across the Ruscliffe house, and where the situation got more complicated. At this point we were only researching - and had the expectation (at least I had the expectation) that we would have six months or a year more of brainstorming, researching and planning. The Ruscliffe house wasn't anything interesting on the outside. It was a very middle-of-the road, 1970s ranch. It was well built, but didn't really have much street appeal. But when we got inside we discovered that it had a fully finished basement giving it a total of 4500 square feet, and at a price that made it very unlikely that something like this would come around again.

We made an aggressive offer just to tie the property up for the weekend, to give us more time to think and pray and get counsel. The owners countered with a very reasonable response and we found ourselves in the position of very likely owning a house. Everyone agreed that we had more homework to do, but that this house could very likely be the one. We committed that we were willing to sacrifice the cost of our inspection, giving us another week or so to get counsel, pray, and have a lot of conversations about how this thing might work.

During the two weeks from the offer through the inspection, the Schelskes and Ouchida-Walshs and another potential participant spent hours in conversation. We sought out people who were doing similar things to learn from. We asked difficult questions. How would decisions be made? What decisions would be collaborative and what would be individual? How would a partnership agreement regarding the property work? How would we manage the balance between shared living and personal privacy? How would we keep our process open and transparent to our church community, so that we could have their input, wisdom and support?

Well, the inspection has happened and the house is in excellent shape. It looks very likely that in the next two weeks we will in fact become the owners of this property. In the meanwhile, we are continuing to define the shape of this community. We're getting good counsel, and have a lot of people praying for us. We're working hard to finish up the partnership agreement and the basic practices of the household. As we define these things we'll be posting most of them here, and as we have big conversations and learn lessons, we'll be posting them here as well.

This blog exists for three reasons. First, we want this community that we're building to be as transparent as is appropriate. We want our friends and family and church community to have access to the conversation, so they can understand what we're thinking, be comfortable with our process if possible, and have the opportunity to speak wisdom and guidance into our lives. Second, we are heading into this as an experiment. We don't believe this is a necessary step for every follower of Jesus. We're not doing this as a pilot program. It's just an attempt. It's an opportunity to try to put into practice some of the things that we've learned, or suspected, as we've studied and been compelled by the vision of the early church community in the New Testament. Because this is an experiment, we want to be very attentive to what we're learning. Third, most of us are technology nerds of some flavor and intensity, and for us that means that blogs are just cool.

FAQs

We get a lot of questions. Here's some of the basics. We'll be adding to this and updating it as we learn more and get more questions.

Q: So, who is involved in all this?

A: There are two families that are the hosts for the Ruscliffe Oikia. Daniel & Brittany Ouchida-Walsh, and Marc & Christina Schelske, along with their two children. At this location we think that we can accommodate a maximum of two other small family units - (a single person or a single parent and child.) As launch we have one of those spots filled. While we will also maintain a guest room for the purpose of having space for very short term guests, we are planning to spend the first 6 months to a year getting our feet under us in this new way of living before expanding to include any other people who share the household.

Q: Are you a commune?

A: Not really. There are a lot of different kinds of intentional community out there. Eco-villages, co-housing communities, residential land trusts, student co-ops, and housing cooperatives and all different kinds of intentional community. A commune is one particular form where the participants pool their financial resources to equally meet everyone's needs. The two host families of the Ruscliffe Oikia own the house together, and all the members of the household contribute to the maintenance of the house and to the grocery budget, but apart from that everyone has their own independent finances and budget, and make their own decisions about how and when to use their resources.

Q: So, what do you mean by "Intentional Community?"

A: The Fellowship of Intentional Communities, a national organization that supports and equips people for this kind of lifestyle has a great definition. They say: "An intentional community is a group of people who have chosen to live together with a common purpose, working cooperatively to create a lifestyle that reflects their shared core values. The people may live together on a piece of rural land, in a suburban home, or in an urban neighborhood, and they may share a single residence or live in a cluster of dwellings." (Source)

Q: Are you a cult?

Umm.... no!

Q: Well, is this religious then?

Well, we're not sure what you mean when you say that, but it would be accurate to say that we are motivated to do this by spiritual reasons. Our understanding of what this will look like is informed deeply by our Christian heritage. The host families are all followers of Jesus, and one of the core reasons for this experiment is an attempt to do something concrete in our lives that allows us to be more available to respond to our understanding of Jesus' call in the New Testament. In addition, two of the participants are in pastoral ministry.